if. if. if.

too many words.

too many feelings.

too much frustration.

too much cloudiness.

if i were a yeller, i would have screamed.

if i were a crier, i would have bawled.

if i were one to let myself go, i would have jumped.

if i were a fighter, i would have thrown a few punches.

but.

i'm not a yeller, so i was pleasant.

i'm not a crier, so i just got misty eyed.

i'm not one to let myself go, so i stuffed it all deep down in me.

i'm not a fighter, so i just smiled.

i'm just so...done. and i would try and figure out how to put everything into words, but ironically, a fellow blogger i follow had the perfect post. ironically, about similar stresses. ironically, was able to sum it up to what the bottom line is. ironically, she spoke into words the raw emotions i feel.

"While I thank God that this won't take her life, I am beginning to realize that, in a way, it already has...."

(you can read the whole post here.)