i hate chd.

it's always wondering, "why me?"
it's looking at others who are just like you, seeing they are worse, but still feeling bad.
it's no one ever understanding: you look good, you look fine and healthy and when people see you, they don't even know you're sick.
it's them wondering why you're sitting out.
it's them wondering why you never do the normal things people your age do.
it's them thinking you're lazy.
it's them knowing that you're sick and still wondering why the hell you're sitting down all day.
it's them thinking you're faking it.
it's the feeling you ARE faking it.
it's them not believing.
it's feeling so tired, and so bad, but you can't express the feelings to anyone, not even yourselves sometimes.
it's worrying.
it's knowing that everyday you could be getting worse.
it's never knowing when something will go wrong.
it's that feeling inside that something is wrong and the fear of what now...
it's never knowing if the cough will turn into full blown pneumonia.
it's the scar, knowing you should love it, knowing it's there and it saved your life and it's loving it.
it's the medicine you take everyday
it's the new lifestyle you have to learn because of it.
it's the side effects of the medicine, the bruises, the need to pee, and even headaches and nausea.
it's the pain.
it's the rapid heart beats that just come out of no where
it's sitting still, breathing, trying to wait it out.
it's taking deep breaths that hurt.
it's having to do breathing treatments.
it's the cost of the medicines, the cost of the doctors.
it's fear.
it's the emotions you feel watching your loved ones having to go through these emotions with you.
it's the fact you see how hard your spouse, parents, siblings, children all want to help, but can't.
it's the upcoming years of knowing the long term effects of it.
it's the depression that no one understands.
it's the days you spend in bed because you're so exhausted for no reason.
it's the sadness you feel when you see others doing all the things you want to do but are told no from your doctor.
it's the love you get from strangers.
it's the instant connection you feel with complete strangers.
it's life.
it's the fight.